As some of you may recall, several days ago Desifier was in the chatbox and making up stories about several members of this site. Well, I have written my own story. Please note that all characters in this story may or may not reflect their true natures. I mean to harm no one's feelings with this story, and hope I have not done so. Enjoy!
Once upon a time, long ago someplace in the vast world known as teh internetz, there once was a boy named AdamL, who was a member of a site called Zelda Gamers. The boy had a horrific mohawk, and everyone shunned and made fun of him for it. Driven by rage, the boy managed to hack into a the account of mcfugg, a super moderator, granting him the ability to ban users at his will. He proceeded to IP ban anyone who spoke ill of his mohawk, showing no remorse for his action. The people in charge of the site, Dave, Rollo, digirob89, and even mcfugg, tried their best to stop AdamL, even banning him a few times, but the mohawked lad just kept coming back for more. When they banned his IP, he simply logged on from another computer in his area, breaking into people's houses when necessary. The other site members called AdamL the "Phantom of the Forums," because it seemed he could not be stopped, and seemed to pop up out of nowhere; no one knew when he would strike next.
But AdamL had one weakness; Kate, a girl whom he was infatuated with. He watched her from the first day she joined, and his feelings for her grew with time. But the problem was, she was already in love with another, a member named Black_Mage. AdamL often considered banning Black_Mage and being done with it, but feared Black_Mage's powerful friends, namely Beau Guffey and Swiftblade, who had the abilities and resources to end his rampage, if they ever got off of their lazy asses. Still, AdamL hatched a plan.
AdamL began by one day using his ill-gotten powers to deactivate Kate's account, cutting her off from contacting anyone on the forums. He then spoke to her on AIM, professing his love for her. Kate was touched by AdamL's sensitivity, and surprised by how humanely and civilly he acted towards her. He suggested that they meet in person, and Kate agreed, curious as to how a man with such a nasty reputation would behave in person. When he had finished his piece, AdamL restored Kate's account to its former glory and left her to stew on what he had said. He eagerly awaited the appointed date.
When the date that Kate and AdamL had agreed upon arrived, Black_Mage had a premonition. His powers of Ancient Majicks told him what had transpired between his beloved and the Phantom of the Forums. He hurried to his junky purple '96 oldsmobile and cranked it up. Using the awesome powers of Ancient Majicks, Black_Mage made the car fly at breakneck speed from his home state of South Carolina to Frankfort Kentucky, where the two were scheduled to meet. "Hold on Kate," Black_Mage said determinedly, cranking some Doobie Brothers on the radio.
When Kate arrived at the Frankfort cemetery, as instructed, she saw no sign of AdamL. But then, she heard a pleasing baritone voice coming from one of the tombs, promising love and happiness beyond her wildest dreams. As she approached the tomb, Black_Mage's car came plummeting out of the sky, landing perfectly in a bare patch of the grass.
"Kate!" Black_Mage shouted, emerging from the car and drawing a rapier seemingly from nowhere. "Do not listen to him! Whatever he says, don't listen!" As Black_Mage said these words, AdamL leaped from the top of the tomb, rapier in hand, and attacked Black_Mage. The two commenced to duel.
At first, the battle did not bode well for Black_Mage. Though he had some skill with a blade, the Phantom was bigger and stronger, and had the added bonus of the Mohawk, which instilled a great fear in his opponent, and kept him off guard. AdamL scored a hit on Black_Mage's left arm, gashing his bicep open. Infuriated, Black_Mage called upon the Ancient Majicks inside of him and attacked AdamL with everything he had, forcing the fiend off-balance, and then knocking him to the ground. In a rage, Black_Mage kicked AdamL's rapier away, reversed his grip on his own sword, and prepared to plunge the blade into the Phantom's cold heart. He growled and started forward.
When Kate saw what Black_Mage planned to do, she cried, "No, Black_Mage! Not like this..."
Amazingly, Black_Mage stopped, and with a final look at the prone AdamL, sheathed his sword. He then wordlessly got into into the car with Kate, and flew off into the night. AdamL stared after them, and said, "This makes war...for both of you."
A few days later, everyone was conversing in the shoutbox. The Phantom had not appeared in some days, and people were starting to think that maybe he was gone for good. Then Kate realized that one member, JJAB91, was acting strangely. It turned out that AdamL had hacked JJ's account and was posing as him the whole time! Black_Mage found himself silenced from the shoutbox, unable to enter a message, and watched helplessly as the Phantom of the Forums began to publicly say words of love to Kate, and even went so far as to say the words of a song that Black_Mage had written for Kate. Apparently AdamL had hacked Black_Mage's Fiction Press account, and had access to all of his writings. Then both Kate and the Phantom fell silent from the Shoutbox, and Black_Mage had another premonition. He hurried to his Oldsmobile and flew off for Kate's house, praying he wasn't too late.
Meanwhile, at Kate's house, The AdamL had broken into her room and was once again professing his love for her. He cupped her face in his hands, and on impulse, Kate tore the mohawk from Adam's head, revealing is true hairdo: a faux hawk. Kate gasped in shock, and took a step backwards. Just then, Black_Mage came crashing through the bedroom door. He flinched when he saw AdamL's hideous true hair.
"So good of you to join us," AdamL said, grinning. "I was so hoping you would arrive." Black_Mage started forward, but it was a trap. Before Black_Mage could react, the Phantom lashed out, and cut a piece off of Black_Mage’s Fro with a knife. Black_Mage cried out in surprise and pain, and AdamL took advantage of his opponents momentary lapse of focus and kicked him in the chest, knocking him to the ground. Winded, Black_Mage was unable to stop AdamL from roughly kicking him in the ribs, rolling him over onto his stomach. The vicious Phantom then placed a knee between Black_Mage’s shoulder blades and held the knife against Black_Mage’s Fro, the source of his Ancient Majicks. Kate screamed in alarm.
“Choose now!” AdamL snarled, pressing the knife harder against the curly brown locks. “Marry me now, or I’ll chop his ridiculous hair off!”
“Wtf?” Black_Mage cried, outraged. “Who are you to call MY hair ridiculous, faux hawk boy?”
Kate was caught. She could see no way out of this. Then it came to her. She walked over to AdamL, placed her hands on his shoulders, and gently kissed him on the lips. She then looked deeply into his eyes.
“Why are you doing this?” she aked. “You’re better than this. I know it. You’ll find someone. But harming Black_Mage won’t solve anything. Please, let him go.”
AdamL stared at Kate for a long moment, then released Black_Mage with a growl. Black_Mage stared at his adversary in confusion.
With a last long look at Kate, the Phantom of the Forums leaped out of the open bedroom window without a word. Kate stared out into the night, and smiled to herself.
Eventually, all returned to normal. Kate and Black_Mage eventually married in a large ceremony with all of their family and friends, including those from Zelda Gamers. AdamL was never seen around the site again; it was rumored that he sold his hacking services to an online organization known as Anonymous. One day, Black_Mage brought the Phantom up in a conversation, idly wondering what kind of trouble he was getting into. Kate didn’t tell her husband that the day of their wedding, as she walked to the altar, she noticed a dark figure out of the church’s stained glass window. A figure with a Mohawk.
“What are you smiling about?” Black_Mage asked curiously, jolting Kate from her thoughts.
“Nothing,” Kate said, laughing. “Just remembering an old friend.”
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